D......... (2003)

I am unwashed clothes,
stubble, heap of pizza boxes,
lost phonenumbers,
averted appointments,
missed boats.

I am clinical depression,
I am Aropax, paroxetine,
30mg per day, to be taken
in the morning preferably
with food.

I am binge drinking,
overeating, middle finger
wedged in throat, toilet
bowl, 1pm wakeup,
evasion & chicanery.

I am duckling ugly,
book of changes,
Jude the Obscure,
rebel without cause,
"know it's over / still I cling"

I am wasting my life, killing
my life.


(This was found scribbled on a piece of paper with other notes about job interviews that never happened on June 11, 2003)